Exam Fever
I don’t know why, but I just suddenly have the urge to start a blog. Many friends have suggested that I share my experience with them but I always thought that my life IS boring. What is there to share? But tonight… I think because I read somewhere that writing down helps. With a lot of things. I have a personal journal but well… pendek kata… why not try something else this time??
Exam is just next week. First paper is on the 31st and my last paper will be on the 15th of November. Believe it or not, I am having a really bad case of exam jitters. The study table in my house is filled with notes - both my brother’s and mine, everytime I receive a text message from a friend, it must be about exams (e.g: exam bile? boleh pinjam notes? dah start study?). So the pressure is mounting and I’m drowning…
I really don’t feel like taking those exams. Really. I may sound like a total brat but that’s how I feel now. It’s just that this semester has not been a good semester and as a result, my grades are below expectations. I got really pissed off that day in HS Cafe in front of Ezrina, Humaira, Syima and some other people that I didn’t notice coz I was too… what? Sad? Angry? DISAPPOINTED with what I have done so far. A whole lotta CRAP AND BULL. Those subjects that I wanted to do so well in… they’re not coming through nicely. I know, I know that I still have the finals ahead but those ‘Continuous Assessment Marks’ are the markers of my confidence in facing the finals but looking at those marks this sem, my confidence has dropped below zero degree Celcius. And I’m not kidding here. What made (and still make) me angry was the fact that some people who cut classes (not once or twice - I am guilty of that too - but more than that) etc., are performing better than I am! How unfair can that be??
But the soothing and clever words of wisdom of Syima always pull me back to reality: who am I to judge what is fair or unfair of God’s Doings?
So then, I am left here again, not to ponder upon what went wrong but find ways to GET what I want. Because of several reasons:
1) My parents will be disappointed if I don’t do well
2) My parents will be disappointed if I don’t do well
3) My parents will be disappointed if I don’t do well
4) I would never forgive myself if I don’t do well
5) I have too much at stake
at these last moments of my university life
So, the pressure is still here to haunt me…
