Rite. Write. Right.

Now is the time to…

PANIC!

Why?

Results is coming out tomorrow…

*Sigh*

The public transportation is my means of transportation to and from campus. I take the LRT and commuter at least twice a week: on Fridays and Mondays. And sometimes, MOST OF THE TIME in fact, they have never been pleasant experiences.

Why?

Because the train is ALWAYS never on time! I mean, the schedule says 6.00 pm but the train comes at 6.15 pm! There is always an announcement: "Harap maaf. Tren komuter ke Seremban akan mengalami kelewatan kerana masalah teknikal. Terima kasih." Come on people! Everytime the train is late, it’s always because of the so-called ‘technical problems’. Is it really and truly because of technical problems or is it some mumbo-jumbo that the KTM authority uses to cover up their incompetency? I don’t think frequent commuters like yours truly here would appreciate the same excuse every time. So, do come up with a more original excuse. Even better, FIX WHATEVER CRAP THAT IS MAKING THE TRAINS LATE!

Next, the users themselves. I know that most of you are tired, sleepy, and in a hurry to go home or to wherever you are heading everytime you take the trains. But ever think that everyone else feels probably feel the same? So why must there be pushings and for God’s sake, WHY CAN’T YOU LET THOSE COMING OUT OF THE TRAINS GET OUT FIRST BEFORE YOU GET IN?? It is irritating, you know because some people just can’t wait to get inside the trains, not because they are afraid of missing the trains but they are hunting for seats! How lazy can you get?? Wouldn’t it be a nicer experience if we all line up properly, let those inside come out first and then we all go in with a nice, orderly manner? Bukan ke bersopan sikit? Budi bahasa budaya kita kan? What I’m saying here, our transportation system here is bad. The system itself can’t take the full blame as the people, the people of Kuala Lumpur is so, very impatient, rude and inconsiderate.

Oh, did I mention that the fare is expensive? I have to spend RM 5.20 to go back home every week. A to and fro journey will cost me RM 10.40. In a month, I have to spend RM 41.60 just so that I could spend some time with my family…

Expensive fare, bad service, inconsiderate people. Go figure…

This is such a taboo subject, isn’t it?

One of the characters in the book ‘Saving Fish From Drowning’ by Amy Tan (it is an EXCELLENT book - but I’m not here to talk about it) which I’m reading now describes death as ‘philosophical’. I guess, some people do look at it as being a hard-to-discuss-and-understand subject - just like philosophy. The truth is, we may do a lot of avoidance but we will never be able to avoid it. Inevitable. It is there. Staring at us right in the face, waiting for that time of Sakaratul Maut.

Why am I discussing this?

I had a chance to witness a real-life jenazah management yesterday. I was in campus with Atih doing some Theatre Club work we had to do over the holidays (thanks to Nik and for that, he owes Sao, Syima, Ezrin, Atih and I a huge dinner at Secret’s Recipe!) when she received a call from her mother saying that her uncle had just passed away because of heart complications. As I was staying at Atih’s for the night, I had to follow her to the funeral.

The funeral was the most humbling experience ever.

When I reached there around 3, the body of her uncle was there and family members and friends were already there. Some were reciting Yassin. The atmosphere was solemn and sombre.

After Asar, receiving instructions from an Ustaz (I assume), the body was carefully bathed and wrapped in clean, white cloth. Solat jenazah followed and soon after that, family and friends were allowed to look at the face of the dearly departed for one, last time before the cloth was tied and the body brought to the cemetery for burial. Since Atih and her cousins wanted to go to the cemetery, I decided to follow, thinking that I have never seen a burial before.

When we reached the cemetery, Atih and I were amazed at the organization of the land plots. For the first time in my life, I saw a very organized Muslim cemetery. Each plot was numbered and we noted that several graves seemed very fresh. There were also around 3 empty, freshly dug plots.

As the process went, it started raining. The talkin was read in the rain. When everything was done, it was already Maghrib.

Several things I noticed throughout the process. Muslim burials are very, very careful, simple, quick and quite easy but with careful precision. No noises or much fuss were made around the body, the departed was handled with such gentility, with the utmost respect. The way to describe it is when we think of ourselves cleaning ourselves up and putting on the best of clothes in order to impress someone - be it our friends, spouses, parents or superiors. But in death, it is to impress Allah. To go back to Him. KepadaNya kita datang dan kepadaNya kita kembali.

The dug-up hole for the body, I noticed, was also very small. Mayat mengiring, menghadap kiblat. Nothing, except the white cloth blanketing the body became the only companion to face Allah. And slowly, the body was covered with dirt.

And how could such experience - seeing the event that we fear and dread most in our lives yet cannot run away from - not make us humble? No wonder Rasulullah mentioned that we should constantly think about death. He also mentioned that visiting cemeteries often will make us more down-to-earth.

It is the thought of returning to Allah, it is the thought of the power bigger than UMNO, Barisan Nasional, Bush, Zionist; it is the thought of facing our Creator and explaining to Him things we have done wrong all our lives even though we have promised to do good, it is the thought of never being able, ever, to turn back and ‘do things better’, it is the thought of not having any more chances that should make us all vie to be better persons.

Simply because Allah the Almighty can do whatever He wants to do.

And simply because death awaits…

I have survived my second last semester as an undergraduate. That means, I have another, say, 4 months to go before I graduate from IIUM.

4 MONTHS?!!

Is it that soon??

And me here, I have yet to make plans for my fast-approaching future. What can a soon-to-be 23 year old graduate of English Language and Literature from IIUM do? More importantly, what can I contribute??

I met Asni last week. She said: "Kalau awak nak sambung Masters, you should already start applying to those universities." She mentioned universities like Oxford and Cambridge. I only managed to smile.

I have plans. I do. But I have too many plans.

Plan A

Do my Masters and PhD in English or American Literature like I have always wanted to do. And I know my parents are hoping that I would get a chance to further my studies too. They said that they already have a son who is a PhD holder, they now want to see one daughter achieve the same feat.

Problems

Ever since Kak Lin left for UK to pursue her studies when I was just 8, I’ve always wanted to study overseas. Soon after, Abang Min and Abang Lan followed suit and in 2 years’ time, my younger brother Afif will InsyaAllah fly to the States to do his degree in Engineering. That only strengthens my desire to study overseas and to go to a top university. To follow their footsteps.

But to obtain a place in a good university is not easy. And to get a scholarship to pay for my study fees there will not be easier too. I have to get a FIRST CLASS DEGREE - a CGPA of a 3.6. And now, I’m almost in my final semester and I have yet to get a CGPA of 3.6. And that does not include my results last semester which will be out soon. I honestly cannot imagine how I fared in my exams last sem. It was the toughest sem ever for me. Ever.

I love IIUM but I really don’t want to stay there for another 2 or 3 years. I feel that I really need a new atmosphere and new experiences and to get to know new people. That means, I don’t want to do my graduate studies there.

And so?

Plan B

Get a good, solid job. Ayah has mentioned that if I managed to secure a good job, then I should not worry about continuing my studies. "Masters can come later," he said.

Problems

What type of work can I do? Abang Min said I should try working in the corporate world, Kak Lin said that I should try writing or editing instead. And me? I don’t know what I should do.

Plan C

Work first, study later.

No problem here. Honestly, that seems like the best choice.

BUT…

My mother wants me to do pursue my studies. She said if I start working, I may never get the chance to study. Especially since I’m a girl… You know, girls, with their biological clocks and stuff like that. Haha.

Thinking about the future is hard. Anticipating the future is even harder.

"Mak takkan berhenti menegur kesilapan awak sebab awak anak mak."

Of all the people in the whole wide world, mothers are the only ones who will truly love us for who we are. Why? Even though:

• They spent 9 long months carrying us in their tummies and we demanded a lot from them to survive in that world
• They spent gruelling hours in the hospital (or some, at home and even places you wouldn’t imagine!) giving birth to us
• They spent sleepless nights in the first few months of our lives because we demanded more and more from them
• They sacrificed their work, careers and lives just because we couldn’t be independent
• They spent hours cleaning up messes we made - in the toilet, in the bedroom, in the kitchen
• They spent hours consoling tired, cranky, demanding, fussy babies
• They spent hours looking after sick kids because we were too weak to take care of ourselves
• They spent more than half of their paycheck to support the high-maintenanced lifestyles of babies
• They cooked us food we wouldn’t eat and would just throw on the floor

… and this list never ends.

They have every reason to hate us, to leave us, to forget us but they just refuse to do so. It is amazing, isn’t it?

It is not a surprise to think of why the Prophet Muhammad asked us to always respect our parents especially our mothers.

"The Prophet said, "Allah has forbidden
you ( 1 ) to be undutiful to your mothers (2) to withhold (what you
should give) or (3) demand (what you do not deserve), and (4) to bury
your daughters alive. And Allah has disliked that (A) you talk too much
about others ( B), ask too many questions (in religion), or (C) waste
your property."

… And, she just wants her child to be a better person.

I hate reading yet not being able to understand, you know?

And I hate exams!

Sometimes, kindness pays. Just a little kind thought can change the world. Take Dr. Muhammad Yunus - the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize winner, for example. No banker, in his right mind would ever think of giving loans for poor people, no, I meant, poor women but he did. And look at all that he has achieved. And not to mention, the lives of those he has helped to change for the better.

One man’s war on poverty

And I have just finished reading a book: ‘84 Charing Cross Road’ by Helene Hanff. It’s a true story , about an affair a woman had after the Second World War with and get this, a bookshop! I’m not kidding here! She was a woman living in New York and the bookshop (and the people working there) was in poverty-stricken, state-of-rebuilding-after-the-war England. A book freak, she wrote letters asking the employees to send her out-of-print books that she loved so much. Apparently, she was not much of formal person so she send sarcastic, funny, friendly letters (the kind that you send to your close friends) and upon learning that the people in England was facing rationed food, she started sending them parcels of food for Christmas, etc. All kind and giving and as a result, friendships followed… even though these people have never met one another!

It’s an amazing story of how one thoughtful act of kindness can bring so much in return.

So friends, let’s do some good, okay?

Sometimes we are all too perfect for our own good.

Yeah. I mean, this ‘I-can-do-no-wrong’ kind of attitude that grips all of us, simply because we have too high of an ego; is not sweet, not good, not nice. Hmm…

My friend once asked: "Habis tu, takkan kita nak fikir pasal perasaan setiap orang yang kita kenal?"
My answer: "Well, dear, that’s called tolerance and whether we like it or not, since we don’t live on an island and since we are all surrounded by people (except if you are Emily Dickinson) - family, friends, colleagues, older people, younger people: people we like and even people we cannot bear spend a second with - we have to tolerate. Either that or go stay on an island alone."

We expect people to understand us but at the same time, we don’t take the effort to understand people. Kalau orang tak tegur kita, kita kecik hati, tapi kalau kita yang buat kat orang, kita rasa kita tak salah dan kawan tu yang tak paham kita.

Another friend said amid of a crisis when he was scolded by another friend of mine because of something he did (yeah, he was wrong but the way she scolded him was intolerable): "Takkan dia expect semua orang ikut perangai dia je? Susah la macam tu!" True. 

"I am an egoistic person. You have to understand." Too many people have made that statement and personally, I think that just reflects how selfish a person can be.