Rite. Write. Right.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn’t that obvious?")
"You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman. "But I haven’t even touched you," says the game warden.
"That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma’am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also
think. =)

I noticed that my life is a classic example of the saying:

KITA HANYA MERANCANG, TUHAN YANG MENENTUKANNYA.

Life, it seems, after leaving IIUM, has been some sort of roller-coaster for me. While in school, everything seemed so easy. Even though life was much of a routine there, everything was laid out. All I had to do was live and pass through each day. Then I graduated and the realities started to sink in. Especially as I saw my friends and other people my age moving on - working, moving out from their parents’ homes, buying cars, getting engaged, getting married and having babies. And I started to wonder what I want to do with my life. What are my plans?

But being me, I always have everything figured out in life. My job, my friends, my studies, even my future. But always, always, Allah has other plans for me. Yes, I do have a lot of things in life - a great family, a good career (the chance of doing something I really like), good prospects and opportunities to further my studies, wonderful friends - and I am thankful for all that HE has given me. But most of the time, things never occur according to my plans.

I know that Allah knows what is best for me. I know that He has everything mapped out for me. He has arranged for how my life should be. And even if I want one thing so badly, He will not give it to me if it does not bring me any good. Alhamdulillah for the Love and Blessings He showers me with. But being the weak person that I am, I always wonder the reasons behind everything that happened in my life - the tragedies, the events, the failures and successes, the quarrels, the arguments and even the people I meet. I have this believe that everything happens for a reason yet I always fail to fathom these reasons. My brain, it seems, fail to understand a lot of things. And because of that, I am a very weak person.

And this weak person is deeply wondering, desperately trying to understand everything that has been going on in her life and everything around her. Easier said than done.

"Kuatkanlah hatiku, semangatku, Ya Allah. Berikanlah kepadaku ketenangan untuk menghadapi apa jua yang telah Engkau takdirkan untukku. Sesungguhnya, aku selemah-lemah manusia…"

If there is one thing I truly miss right now, it is definitely reading. Yes, I am a tutor, I HAVE to read for a living and also for my own career advancement but what I mean here is reading just for pleasure.

I have a lot of unread books in my room, gathering dust. Lately, I only read to teach or read for my future studies. I long for the long afternoons where I could just grab a book, plopped myself on my own bed and started on my own ‘adventures’. Or the nights when I retired early to bed only to be kept awake by a really good book. Nowadays, afternoons are spent teaching or learning and by the time I am ready to go to bed, I’d be too tired to even open a book.

Oh yes, I still read. But always with these tasks in mind: to convey whatever I understand from my readings to future teachers or to gather ideas about my future thesis and research. No more reading just for the pleasure and the fun of getting lost in someone else’s world and problems. Since when does reading has to be a chore??

Aah… the beauty of all the simple things in life…

When I found out, I was on the verge of tears even though she told me not to cry. And I didn’t. Not because I was being strong but because of her strength and her pleading me not to cry. But still… the thought of it still haunts me. The thought of her struggles and her determination. The thought that she does not deserve to go through this. And the thought of everything she has to face at a young, bright age when her life is just about to take off. Sungguh besar ujian Allah ini kepadanya.

My dear… I will always pray for you. Always… I cannot stop my tears from running down for you and I am sorry for not being able to be strong for you. I am sorry for not being able to be there for you but I will always pray for you even if that is the only thing I can do for you now…

And to top off a ‘great’ day yesterday… I got a love letter from the police. Speeding ticket. Goodbye, RM 300+. DANG!

Dear YOU (whom I love dearly and truly)…

I wish I could tell a lot of things. I often wish we could just sit down and I could just spill everything to you. I wish I could tell you about what’s going on in my life right now, who I am hanging out with, my latest crazy, stupid ideas, the arguments and jokes with my friends, my non-existent love life, my hopes and dreams and my everything. And to be able to listen to all your wise advice. I so desperately want to be your friend.

And then there’s the hope that when we become friends, you will understand better why I do what I do and I will finally know why you do what you do. And there will be less arguments, less of us literally killing each other. Honestly, I am tired of those arguments… It makes me want to run away. Just to be far from you. Then I will hate myself for thinking this way.

But there’s always this invisible gap between us which makes it almost impossible for us to be friends. And then, there’s always this feeling, this (mis)understanding between us: you thinking that I hate you, and me, thinking that you don’t trust me enough.

And it breaks my heart to think that I may never be able to get close to the one person I love unconditionally…

i. The future

If two months ago, I were given this offer, I would have done everything in my power to make it happen. But now, I have lost the will to fight. They have done a good job of telling me that I cannot go, so much so that I have put a hold on my life-long dream. I have even learned to live with this. And now, with this offer, I really don’t want to get my hopes high anymore. The thing is, she said I should just give it a try even though I know it will be rejected. A least I won’t live with the guilt of giving up too quickly. But he thinks I should just forget it as I already know what the answer will be. Plus, he said I might get a better chance later. Am tempted to follow his advice. But please anyone… tell me, what is there for me HERE???

ii. Election Day 2008

The people has spoken: LOUD AND CLEAR. Election 2008 marks the re-birth of democracy in Malaysia. It is obvious that the Malaysian people wants a stronger opposition to help knock some sense in the government. The loss of five states to the hands of the opposition clearly shows that we, Malaysians, are sick of being pushed around. We are sick of the government assuming that we do not have a mind on our own. They have long undermined the power of the people and now, face the wrath of the people.

I feel proud and happy that my first experience as a legal voter (not HANTU, okay???) managed to bear fruits of changes. I am happy that I helped deliver Selangor to the opposition. Now, I hope that the elected officials will not let us down. I am hoping for less crimes, less ‘maksiat’ especially in places like Bangsar and KL, better road conditions and no intervention by ‘jahil’ people in the matters related to religion. InsyaAllah.

iii. The matters of the heart

I told Humaira: "When we are in love, the heart never listens to the ‘aql no matter how rational the latter is."

Humaira answered: "Betul, tapi selalunya, bila fikir guna hati, iman will stop you from making mistakes. Especially perempuan yang Allah telah hadiahkan perasaan malu."

So, when in love, tetapkanlah pendirian, tetapkanlah iman. To avoid wrongdoings, to avoid mistakes, to avoid tears, to avoid heartache. And pray that Allah will give you the best.

When you make the same mistake twice, it is still forgivable, right? But when you do it again and again and again and again, it just shows how stupid you are.

Failure to learn from your mistakes = STUPIDITY.

So, be wise.