Rite. Write. Right.

Everyone should strive to be a better person. No one should let him or herself be worse than he or she really is. Self-improvement is the key to a better life: better relationship with oneself, with other people and most importantly, with Allah.

This is what I have been neglecting to do lately. My search for some sort of ‘adventure’ in my life has made me a person I do not like who does irrational and even extremely stupid things. What is worse is that I am like this and I did those things over something very much uncertain. The quest for happiness should not be like this. It should be peaceful and calm. It should not be shrouded by guilt. It should not harm other people. And there is no one to blame for this except me.

I am a much better person than this. I am stronger than this. I am more rational and level-headed than this. That’s why I must close this chapter of my life before I get carried away and things will be too chaotic to control.

I need a new pair of shoes.

I need a new anti-virus for my laptop as the one I have has already expired.

I need to pay off my debt to my mummy as she paid for my laptop charger.

I need to pay off my debt to Kak Lin as she paid for my university applications.

I need money for the PD trip next week.

I need to pay for the baju kurung I sent to my tailor.

I need to buy a laptop for Anas as I am taking the one Afif left for him.

Which basically means, I am DEAD broke.

Tu laa… sape suruh derma RM 300 to the Malaysian police…

Leaving is the easiest way to avoid facing the fact and the truth.

When you fall out of love, leave.

When you want to get out of an ugly argument, leave.

When you are disappointed over your job, leave.

When you can no longer be responsible, leave.

When you feel used, leave.

When you feel dejected and taken for granted, leave.

When you are unhappy, leave.

When you want to start a new life, leave.

That’s why I wish I could just leave… Leaving would give me a chance to start again, to meet new people, to figure out my life, to decide what I want in life, to do soul-searching and to be someone who I am not.

But when I told him this, he said I was being weird. Ceh! Thanks a lot for your support! =p

I have discovered the pure joy of teaching.

I remember the first time I was to attend my first tutorial, I was honestly freaking out. I spent the night before preparing my lessons, reading, going through books in ways I never did during my undergraduate years. I had this thought in mind: I am going to TEACH so I needed to be well-equipped with knowledge. Plus I was worried about who my students would be. I have seen my fair share of bad students among the people of IIUM and I was praying hard that I would not have to deal with such students.

But now, as the semester approaches to an end, I thank Allah for giving me an opportunity to be able to teach a group of nice, enthusiastic students. They are great. They passed up all their assignments on time, they gave active participation in class and and most of all, they gave me a great experience as a first-time academician. I could not ask for more. But yes, my Friday, 9 am class had problems coming to class on time. Some of them came at 10. Haha. So in order to ‘punish’ them, I would usually extend the class up until 11.15 am or 11.30 am. There was once I almost extended the class to 12 pm. They were actually already giving me hints that they were starving but I only turned a blind eye. Haha. Tu la… sape suh datang lambat kan?

I admit I had some hard times too. Times when I felt frustrated with myself and with my students. When I felt I wasn’t giving them enough guidance and times when I felt they were relying too much on me. I wanted to inspire them, to guide them and there were times when I thought I didn’t really achieve those missions. And being students, there were times when they were expecting that I told them everything and they were not willing to go the extra mile for the answers. But these times were rare.

Last Monday, we had our last tutorial. I felt like splurging on them so I bought them a large pan of brownies. I was happy that they seemed thrilled to be treated with yummy brownies. I made the mistake of giving them the brownies before I started teaching. After that they were high on sugar and chocolate. I could hardly control them. Hehe. When the class ended, they came over and shook my hands, some even hugged me and thanked me for teaching them. On Wednesday, they had their creative presentations and as they performed splendidly, I could not help but be proud of them. Then they asked to take pictures with me. These were the times when I realized that all the sleepless nights, the worries and the hardwork are actually worth every minute and every second.

To my dearest students (if you guys manage to find me here, haha) - B.Ed TESL, VVVB 1439: Introduction to Literature, Semester 2, 2007/2008 - thank you for making this experience a great one. I wish you all the best in your undertakings. I hope one day you will all become great teachers - shaping minds, sharing knowledge, cultivating culture and spreading love.

Walking down memory lane is such a sweet and sad thing to do, isn’t it?

Sweet to remember all the times that had passed us by yet sad to know that for the rest of our long lives, we will never be able to revisit those times. It is like a paradox, isn’t it?

This past week, friends have been reminiscing about the past - and for us, the past means the time we spent as innocent and naive undergraduates. The best times of our lives, so far.

While it is nice to remember those memories, it is in a way unhealthy to hold on to the past so firmly. Because life is about moving on from one stage to another. We cannot stand still and unmoving. Unfortunately, we are not the carvings on Keats’ ‘Grecian Urn’ - untouched by time, unchangeable, forever. We are like Shakespeare’s ‘Summer’s Day’ - not everlasting and temperamental.

There’s a reason why those memories are so-called ‘once in a lifetime memories’. They happen only once in our lives. Only once. Which makes them all the more sweeter, don’t you think? If it is like everyday routine, then it would be so normal, so common, so dry. Hence the name ‘once in a lifetime’. Duh! Hehe. And the best thing about these memories, in one way or another, they will repeat itself. Perhaps not in the same exact pattern and even emotions but they will be repeated. Our lives will never lack those memories.

So my dear friends, let us move on and embrace life. There are a lot more other once in a lifetime opportunities, memories and chances waiting.  Get your cameras, video cams and camera phones ready to immortalize those upcoming memories. And be ready to face them all. Carpe diem!