Rite. Write. Right.

On this auspicious Friday, on the occasion that I am on leave today (hence, a longer weekend for me!) and also the fact that my brother, Afif is coming back for summer holiday from the States tomorrow, I am showing my gratitude and thanks for all the simple things in life that makes me happy.

1. I am thankful for Humaira who calls me up at least once a week and entertain me with her delightful and funny stories about what is going on in her life in Sarawak.

2. I am thankful for the smses Atih sent me last night, reminding me that she is on my side.

3. I am thankful for the food my mummy cooks everyday. She is a wonderful cook!

4. I am thankful for being able to have lunch with Wanie yesterday and the days before that. Even though she is leaving Al-Diwan, at least I have made a new friend!

5. I am thankful for my classmates in Al-Diwan who are all very friendly and extremely generous. They are always bringing food, treating us to countless lunches, giving advice on life and yes, (I hate to admit this), but I enjoy all the gossips too. Haha.

6. I am thankful that my parents have allowed me to go out with my friends tonight to celebrate Hanim’s birthday.

7. I am thankful that I go swimming every weekend. Thanks to Kak Mun, Abang Min and Kak Mun’s family for all the free lessons, free food and for the use of the swimming pool - all at our convenience.

8. I am thankful for Aizat who trusts me enough to let me borrow his matric card in order to access the IIUM library and also for constantly being my driver and occasionally, counselor.

9. I am thankful for Iman Amani and Amni Nadira who are the symbols of unconditional love in our one big, happy family!

10. I am thankful that someone called me on Sunday simply because he saw a book in MPH which I once mentioned to him, which, in turn, reminds him of me. =)

11. I am thankful that someone offered to buy me a new pair of shoes! I love shoes! Huhu.

12. I am thankful that gaji bulan ni dah masuk!! Yeah!

13. I am thankful that Afif is coming back home already!

Aaah… all the pretty and simple things in life… =) 

I find it amusingly (and embarassingly) ironic that I am a literature graduate but I only read a handful of famous classics (written more than 50 years ago). Here are some of them (as far as I can recall right now):

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2. Frankenstein - Mary Shelley

3. The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne

4. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (I didn’t manage to finish the book, though… haha)

5. A handful of Shakespeare’s plays - Twelfth Night, Macbeth, As You Like It, King Lear, Antony and Cleopatra

6. Oedipus Rex - Sophocles

7. Death of a Salesman - Arthur Miller

8. All Quiet on the Western Front - Erich Maria Remarque

9. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

10. 1984 - George Orwell

11. Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe

That’s all? Seriously?? Out of the thousands of books I’ve read, these are all I can come up with?? And to think that I read them mainly because they were in my reading list in university. How degrading!

You see, I have always been interested in reading modern, contemporary works instead. Thank God my field of work and study now (and hopefully, for the rest of my life) involves the study of modern writings. But I hope I will be able to find time to read more classics. Here are some that I have been longing to read:

1. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

2. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

3. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

4. Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility, Emma - Jane Austen

5. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - Carson McCullers

6. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

7. Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell

Oh well, no doubt that this list will continue. But it makes a great birthday list, doesn’t it? My birthday is only three months away anyway… haha.

You know that you are an adult when the stages of your life
can be determined by a series of dreaded but unavoidable questions posed by
well-meaning people (mostly relatives) but no matter how innocent the asker may
be, these questions are still… well… annoying. Hehe.

After finishing high school (especially after the SPM
results come out) – “Masuk universiti mane?” or “Major ape kat universiti?”

During university years (and people start asking as early as
your second year) – “Bile nak habis belajar?”

Final year of study – “Lepas grad nak keje ape?” (As far as
I know, final year students mostly still don’t know what they are doing after
school and they only start thinking during or after the FINAL final exams. Or
at least, just a few weeks before the finals. Haha. Well, at least, that was me…
=p)

After graduation – “ Sekarang keje kat mane?” (Like jobs are
readily available right after school la kan? I spent five months going to
countless interviews before finally getting a job that I like!)

Working years – “So sekarang dah kerja, boleh la simpan duit
nak kawen…” or “Bile nak kawen?”

After getting married – “Ha… bile lagi nak dapat anak?”

I am right now at the stage where people keep asking me when
I am getting married. Especially at weddings. Well, you see, at weddings, kena
la ada pengantin perempuan AND pengantin lelaki kan, but apparently, I am
having trouble finding my groom. So, the answer is, tatau la nak kawen bile.
Bile jumpe si dia la baru boleh kawen ye… So sabar-sabar la. Like Hanim said, I
am a failure when it comes to the matters of the heart. Haha.

I think the list gets longer and longer as we age (either
gracefully or otherwise). Notice that these questions are shaped by the
expectations of a society. These are the stages of life that we are all
expected to pass through. Even though these stages are understandable, but most
of the time, we don’t give any space for those who choose to defy these
expectations. Or even worse, those who are unable to conform to these demands. Instead
of trying to understand their situations, we talk about them: how many times
have we heard gossips about that anak dara tua who is a success in her career
but remains unmarried, or that couple who has been married for long enough time
but has yet to have children or about the boy who doesn’t manage to get into
university or about the girl who has yet to find a job after finishing school. And
these unfortunate people, because of the judgments we pass them, they run away
and become recluse. Some even ditch their families because they can’t bear
these questions and not to mention, the stories.

The expectations are not wrong. What is wrong is the judgment
passed to those who cannot or will not follow these footsteps. Each life, each
human being is unique and each of us have our own stories. So why must we
always be like the rest? And why must we reject those who are not like us? 

I am typing this in Fairmont Hotel, Singapore. I’m here with my sister and her family and also my brother, Anas.

Singapore is having their Great Singapore Sale right now and I am going crazy looking at all the products they have on sale here. VERY CHEAP! They are selling Levi’s jeans at $39.90, branded perfumes (think Calvin Klein, Issey Miyake and Davidoff) at $25,  and my favourite: shoes and handbags! I swear once I get back to Malaysia tomorrow, I am officially BROKE.

This trip has been a much-needed escapism. =) Running away, even for a short while, from work, responsibilities and the waiting. So, can i please not go back tomorrow?? Pleaseeee…. Huhu.

I’m sorry…

Yes, I am happy for you and you and you.

But I cannot help but envy all of you for having something that I really want to have…

Perhaps that is not my destiny…

Oh, I don’t know…

I really don’t know anymore…

HELP!

I have no idea on what to write for my research proposal for my application for my Master of Philosophy (MPhil) programme. I am leaning towards the studies of modern Islamic literature but what about it? The thing about Islamic literature is that, a lot of the studies done are very much related to the Middle East which is understandable because Islamic literature originates from the Arab land during the time of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). But this also means, a lot of literary reviews and research are in Arabic. However, for me, in my limited understanding of this area, I believe that Islamic literature has grown beyond the Arab world, which is to say, Muslim writers from all over the world are contributing towards the development of Islamic literature, writing in their mother tongues (other than Arabic and other Middle East languages) and also in English. Islamic literature has grown universal. Even so, Islamic literature is still under-researched, unpopular and unrecognized. I have yet to find a university which offers a comprehensive course on Islamic literature which includes the study of works by writers from all over the world. Usually, this area is just a component of study under the Arab and Islamic studies programmes.

Last night, he said that since I am looking at Islamic literature as a universal form of writings, I should look at the Malay writers who are influenced by Islamic doctrines and tenets in their writings: writers from the Malay world (who probably write in Malay too). He is right. At least now my research scope has gone a bit narrower. Plus, I am expected to relate my studies to the community and society. Thank you so much! Why didn’t I think of it sooner? I am ashamed that he who has limited knowledge in literature could thought about it first and what is more impressive (for him) is that, it was already almost one in the morning and he was dead tired and sleepy already. Haha. Shame on you, Amrah!

I guess I have been overcome by fear and inconfidence too much to think straight. But my father is right. Kalau takut, macam mana nak belajar? Plus, they are giving me a big chance now. If I refuse to do it simply out of fear and inconfidence, then I should not be here…

On another note…

WHAT? Oil price hike again??? Isn’t it high time for a salary hike too? Duh!!!

Can someone please tell me what to do now that the fairy tale has ended? Please…