MUST. NOT. WORRY. TOO. MUCH!
Today I contacted my sponsors - Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi Malaysia. Then I found out that:
1. I have to leave earlier than expected. I was planning to leave after Christmas but they want me to leave by the 14th of December! Which is just three weeks away!!!
2. They are only paying for my studies for three years (including a year for my probation)! How in the world am I supposed to finish my PhD in two years??!! But they said that a year’s extension is possible. Therefore, I have to get my thesis done by December 2012 when Monash actually outlined February 2014 as my deadline. Erkkk..!
I am excited that I am finally leaving. Too soon for my liking but hey, I wanted this badly, didn’t I? Ever since Kak Lin left for the UK when I was eight, I have always dreamed of going overseas too. Now, I finally get to live my dreams. Cool eh? Alhamdulillah. =)
But in truth, I am scared too. And sad. And agitated. And nervous. And worried. And bla bla bla. Hehe. Mixed feelings. I wonder if I am ready to do my PhD. I worry that I can’t meet the deadline set by KPT. And most of all, I am sad that I am leaving behind my family and friends. Especially my friends. Not that I won’t be missing my family but family bond is forever. No matter what, I will always have Mak, Ayah, Kak Lin, Abang Min, Abang Lan, Afif, Anas, Abang Azmi, Kak Mun, Iman and Amni. Friendships last forever too, especially great ones, like the ones I am blessed with. But like a friend said today, our paths will be too different now. We don’t know when they will cross again.
I guess we have all come to a point where we have to choose our own paths. Mar is getting engaged and quite soon, her devotion will be for her husband. Hanim is already busy in Sweden. Even now we don’t really contact each other that much since she is so busy with her masters. Atih started a new job and is enjoying it tremendously. Syima is busy mapping out her future which I am sure will turn out just fine. And these are the people I used to spend everyday with back in IIUM. We ate every meal together, went to classes together, slept together, did assignments together, studied together, went to the movies together. Everything. I feel like I grew up with them and they are the ones who know me best. But now, we are too different. But these changes are bound to happen, sooner or later anyway.
I realize that I worry too much about the future. Atih said I think too much. He said I have too many doubts (especially to him la kan… haha). The best I can do is just to pray for the best in everything. Allah itu sentiasa ada. Asni reminded me: don’t underestimate the power of do’a. How true that is. Mar said my future now seems perfect. I like that idea. But I am constantly reminded that Allah can take that away from me just as easily as He cleared the paths for me. (Reminder to self: MUST ALWAYS THANK ALLAH FOR HIS BLESSINGS. MUST ALWAYS PRAY THAT HE WILL FURTHER EASE MY PATH. MUST ALWAYS AIM TO GET HIS BLESSINGS. MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM.)
Let’s not worry too much. Because as for now, I have Monash to look forward to. And *ehem*, the other one too… =p
