Rite. Write. Right.

With only 2 weeks to go, I am now overwhelmed with millions of things to do. As I came into the main office this morning, the clerks were all asking about my students’ grades which I submitted a week ago. Apparently, they didn’t get those grades so I had to spend the whole morning re-submitting everything that I have done one whole freaking week ago. I was quite pissed at having to do the same thing twice. Yelah, dah la tengah banyak kerja lain. If only I knew from the beginning, I would have done all those things myself, no problem at all.

Takpe la, ujian Allah.

Last week was also hectic. Ke sana ke mari. I wasn’t in the office the whole week. Kejap kat Putrajaya, kejap kat UKM, kejap kat Damansara, kejap kat hospital pulak. As a result, I was so tired that I almost succumbed to fever and I got a nasty cold. Nak nangis jek bile rasa nak demam tu because I was thinking, kalau demam, mesti tak larat nak buat apa-apa. Takpe lah, sakit itu magrefah, bak kata dia. To cleanse my sins and wrongdoings before I leave to begin a new life. InsyaAllah.

Last week, amidst the busy-ness and craziness, I managed to have lunch with my colleagues Ping, Clarence and Atie who are also leaving soon. Atie and Ping will also be going to Australia while Clarence will be doing his PhD at the prestigious National Univesity of Singapore. I’m happy that both Ping and Atie will be in Australia too although Atie will be too far to reach (Brisbane). The good news is, Ping is also going to Melbourne! But alas, both are married so they have their husbands to take care of. I admit, I am kind of jealous that they get to have someone with them while I will be totally on my own. Yelah, at least, there’s one person who can take care of them already right next to them. Takpe lah, this is the time for me to learn to survive on my own. Bila lagi nak hidup sendiri di tempat asing kan? Cewah. Lame attempt to ease my worries and fears. Haha.

As much as I am excited to go to Australia, to finally live my life-long dream, I am quite scared too. I am most worried about my studies, wondering if I am ready to do my PhD. This is not just Masters, it’s PhD. Ilmu yang ada ni rasa macam belum cukup nak ambil PhD. But since Monash has already offered me a place for a probationary PhD, they must think that I am ready to begin my PhD. If not, they would have rejected my application. Lagipun, I will get one year of foundation studies before undertaking PhD. So now, all I need is sheer hard work and determination. When I was doing my degree, I could just breeze through every semester with minimum effort but not PhD. Kalau tak, abes la kena buang kerja and on top of that, kena bayar balik the scholarship. Banyak pulak tu. Ish, Nauzubillah.

I’m also sad to leave everyone behind. If I were a billionaire, I would move my family and close friends to Australia with me. Haha. I have been in this comfort zone for a long time. Mak Ayah have always been around to help with anything. My friends have also been around to become my shoulders to cry on, my lunch partners and my partners in crime but soon, they will all be out of physical reach. Yelah, zaman teknologi ni senang. I can talk to them everyday if I want to, through Skype. But that won’t be the same anymore. I wonder how am I going to survive without any of them.

I have also been thinking about the things I will miss when I leave. I won’t get to see Mar getting engaged or getting married. I will miss Adda’s wedding too. Heck, come to think about it, I will miss most of my friends’ weddings! Not only that, perhaps even their first babies. I will also miss seeing Iman go to ‘big girls’ school. And if she were to have a baby brother or a baby sister anytime, I won’t get to welcome him or her to this world. I won’t get to go berhari raya with Adi and gang anymore. When I come back, they will probably be with their wives, so no more lepak-lepak orang bujang. I won’t get to have Friday nights with Syima and Mar anymore. No more expensive lunches with Syima. No more picnics and trips. No more weekend outings. No more receiving calls from Atih and Humaira out of nowhere every week like I’m used to now. Sedih la pulak bile fikir benda-benda ni. Huhu. But Kak Ani, my cousin’s wife told me that these are the sacrifices that I have to make in the quest for knowledge. Moga-moga Allah memberkati.

Then I also think about my future apart from my studies. When am I going to settle down? When can I start a family? Hey, I’m already 24, I have to think about these things too. I actually talked to Mak about this last weekend and she gave some insights on what she thinks is the best for me. She said that I must always remember that doing my PhD is amanah from the government so I must always put that in front. Nanti Allah persoalkan pulak di Padang Mahsyar. But she also made it clear that both she and Ayah will not have any problem with me getting married while I’m doing my PhD. In fact, Ayah mentioned a long time ago that he prefers that I get married before I do my PhD. Mak only wants to make sure that I know what’s important.

Well, I just have to take things slowly, don’t rush into things too much. The book ‘La Tahzan’ said that a good Muslim must not always think or worry too much about the future until it comes because the future is not ours. We only have to do the best in everything. Let Allah work His Miracles. He certainly has shown me His Miracles. Just three weeks ago I was facing and dealing with too many uncertainties but now, everything is slowly getting in place, like a jigsaw puzzle.

I have a promising life now. I must always work hard to keep it that way. There will be hiccups here and there, but none too difficult for me to bear. I have my family, my friends and him ready to support me. But best of all, I always have Allah with me. All the time. In Malaysia, in Australia. Anywhere. Anytime. Ain’t He Great? =)